I used to hate when Christina Aguilera sings “We are beautiful no matter what they say”, or when Miss Universe says what matter the most its the beauty inside you, not the outer. I mean, yea right, it is easy for them to say that, its not like they knew how it feels to be unpretty. I feel insecure most of the time because I feel unpretty. I look at my beautiful friends and wonder why cant I have the same bright skin, healthy long hair, perfect nose and lips. Insecurity leads to jealousy, and jealousy makes you judged. I judged most of beautiful people, especially them I do not know personally. Like beautiful people in beauty pageant. I snorted and laughed at Putri Indonesia contest, said to myself I could say things smarter. I knew some people who went to similar contest in domestic level, and I laughed at them too, I guessed they have neither better behavior nor better brain than me.
And here I am dating a man who won beauty pageant in national level. Objectively speaking (95% objective) he is a gorgeous man and smart and funny and humble and his heart is like an angel. It doesn’t make me stop judging. I always said to myself that he is a rare exception. Two days ago I accompanied him to go out of town, he had to do a presentation about exchange program recruitment he works at. He told me that we are going to meet some of his friends, his friends from the beauty pageant. So I guess yea its time. I try to picture whats gonna happen, I wonder whether they’re going to underestimate me because I’m unpretty, as well as I’m going to underestimate them because they are brainless and arrogant.
Finally I met two guys, beauty pageant friends of my boyfriend. They’re gorgeous, checked. They’re brainless, unchecked. They’re arrogant, unchecked. They’re kind-hearted, checked checked checked! One of the two guys were very generous to us. He thought that we’re the guest to his hometown and thus he needed to take care of us. He took us to lunch and drove us to travel office. I don’t even know if I would do such things when my far-away friends are coming over, unless we’re really good friends. They didn’t say anything stupid as I was expecting. In fact they have impressive part time jobs, and initiating real community development movement. And no, I wasnt being intimidated by anyone.
I guess you know my conclusion, we cant over generalized anything. And well, everyone is struggling to actualize themselves. First step of self actualization is to find out what you are good at or what is good from you or what you like to do. And if you feel like your thing is being pretty, then there you go to the second step which is to work out your goods. If joining beauty pageant is what you think it is, then go ahead. Though probably only one of your asset is not enough to make you “actual”. Being only pretty is not enough because people like me will dislike you, so polish up your attitude and knowledge. While for my kind of people, being critical brat is bad because.. its bad. It hurts people and it keeps you narrow, so get a decent look and get a decent attitude! We all try to be someone better, just stretch beyond the confident we already have.