It’s like a new trend that ran through thoughts and feelings of young people. They (or we) begin to doubt religion, some even doubt the existence of God. Perhaps because religion is no longer became a rescuing power. Jewish does not save the people from famine and slavery like it used to be, Islam no longer takes people out of the jahiliyyah era. On the contrary, in the name of these religions, people are piling up hatred and bloodshed. So some of us try to find an alternative: if our religion can’t be succeed in making us to be good, then we must look for other beliefs that can. These alternative kinds of beliefs can be agnostic, humanist, or spiritualist. This is where, I think, it gets slippery. We often fail to distinguish, whether we want no conventional religion because we are really trying to find inner peace and become good people? Or we had to let go of conventional religion because we are too lazy to pray, wear hijab, go to church and reading the holy scriptures? Or perhaps we don’t like to be religious because we want to be free for smoking, and drinking, and sex?
Consequently, after we decided to release all religious attributes, we found no peace. But rather the euphoria from escaping any restrictions, the rules of right or wrong. After awhile we then realized that we weren’t turn to be anything better, but we keep asking instead, “What the heck is this? What have we been doing?”
We will finally have our own answers. We might return to the conventional religions. Because after all we probably realize that it wasn’t the failure of the religion’s teaching. I mean, there are those who managed to be good and happy by embracing Islam or Jewish or Christian. We might learn what it really means to be humanist or spiritualists, so these beliefs will not only become the rebound or the mask of our irresponsibility. Or we might find some other answers. My point is, at least for me, life is too complicated to get through it without anything to hold on. We need a way of life to help us define which one is the right or the wrong path to take. We need a grip to help us pursue the goal, whatever it might be.
Me, I don’t have my answer yet. And the fact that I haven’t find anything scares me. I wonder if God gets angry because I haven’t seen the truth. But then again, I chose to believe that God’s arm is wide open for all wanderers. God leaves no one behind. I chose to be convinced by Jalaluddin Rumi that confusions and new discoveries might just be parts of God’s cards, “God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly – not one.”
The searching path might be rough, but as Rumi once said, “I know you’re tired. But come, this is the way.” I guess he tried to tell us that the most important rules for all wanderers is that you shall not stop. Because if you “keep knocking the door, the joy inside will finally open and see who’s there.”